As A Working Mom Sometimes My Attentions are Divided
Often, I am mono-focused on my voice over business. As a full-time, professional talent, this laser focus is what has helped me to build my business and lay a strong foundation. I’ve missed lunches with friends and sat inside on weekends 
working while my family is outside enjoying a beautiful day together. I never feel like I am missing out because I have very specific goals and I am on a mission. Often having fun and reaching one’s goals are mutually exclusive. That brings me to my current conflict, I am a mom of twins, and my twins are rising seniors in high school. College visits are not only an essential part of the admissions process, but my twins have unique interests, so they are looking at entirely different schools. At the moment, all of my values as a parent and goals as a solopreneur are being put to the test: am I steady enough to juggle everything and be there for my kids while continuing to fuel my business? I have felt tremendous pressure, and been having a constant mental struggle, until our weekly Clubhouse today.
College Visits Taking Me Away From My Work Routine
First let me explain why the college visits are a challenge for me. It’s not that I am a helicopter parent and can’t let my kids go it alone. My husband is an attorney and runs his part of his practice. It is not easy for him to miss work either. If you have not dealt with college admissions recently, the kids now, in addition to grades and test scores, get something called a “demonstrated interest” score, so they basically have to visit schools they are applying to as part of this to show their interest to the admissions committee. As a voice talent, I have always marketed myself as having super fast turnarounds and being in the booth all the time. This week, and for a lot of this month, that is frankly not the case. My day to day routine of auditions, booked work, and marketing is different as we are doing these college visits. I am not good with change and this change in routine is freaking me out. While I am thankful to have this time with my twins, and while I am trying to enjoy seeing all of these amazing schools, I am stressed about this deviation from my routine. I worry that all that I have worked to build is being undermined. I have felt like this all summer.
Clutter Building Up
While we are traveling about, my house feels less tidy too. Like many, love HGTV. I have been noticing when I watch my beloved programs my own house is looking more and more cluttered. As my time is more divided than usual between work and the twins, my house is taking a back seat. It is terrible. I have also noticed when I zoom with my accountability partners, others seem to have their act more together. Whether they are other working moms or just busy voice actors and coaches, their desk does not look like it is under siege and looks like a space someone would actually enjoy working. So this week in addition to being stressed about my schedule, I was feeling rather down about my lack of organization as well.
The Hour That Changed Everything
On Thursday Diana Birdsall and I did the one hour Clubhouse with the creative genius Jonathan Tilley. Years ago, I think in 2015 or 2016 I took his fantastic marketing class for creatives called League of List Builders. This 
is an on-going course that you can still take! Since then, I have followed Jonathan and continued to learn from him regularly on social media. I went to school for Political Science and History, so there was a major gap in my marketing knowledge. I studied with Jonathan to fill said gap. Anyway, the Clubhouse is meant to help others in the community, but this one hour with Jonathan left me feeling so re-inspired. It reminded me of how far I’ve come and how much I have learned. It refocused my attention. I have built something amazing. It also made me feel filled with new goals that I am super excited to pursue. I guess our time with Jonathan was just what I needed to bring the joy back. I was left feeling like I have focus again and that if I just allow myself time to breathe and re-center, I will be back on track.
It is quite extraordinary how one hour with the right people can totally shift your perspective, turn everything on its axis. This is not just about the power of positivity, but that is part of it. In voiceover, it is really important to know who to take advice from. There are A LOT of people with microphones out there. That does not mean that everyone talking should be listened to. But when one hour can give you so much solid information and direction, those are the people you should be listening to! If you happened to miss our Clubhouse, stay tuned for my next blog on the beauty of VO Marketing that will summarize our chat with Jonathan.
Ah September. If you can actually remember what life was like pre-pandemic, September used to feel like a huge shift for us working moms, with an audible sigh of relief heard from coast to coast. While having our kids home to spend time by the pool and doing crafts is a time of joy, for solopreneurs who have always run our small businesses from home, summer has always involved juggling lots of balls. This year, 2020, has presented a whole new set of challenges, and if your family is like mine, your kids are “back in school” without leaving your house. While I confess that I am enjoying the extra time I have with my teens, it does present a lot of challenges for those of us whose career depends on quiet in the recording booth. Doors slamming, thumping and thudding on the steps, random proclamations- these barely scrape the barrel of what the new normal is like. The quietude is gone and with it I have, you guessed it, more balls to juggle as both my children and my husband are now in the house. All day. Every day. So no, this September, being a working mom and small business owner it is not easier, but I do have some strategies for coping in order to ensure that my goals stay in clear focus.
In order to maintain the balance between my role as a mom and my life as a professional voice over actor, accountability in my professional career is extremely important. I have blogged before about my group, but one of our touch points is health and wellness. When we started reporting on this years ago, I did not realize that the relevance of this area would increase in importance. Who could have predicted a pandemic? Every day wellness is a priority, including: steaming, supplements, eating well, etc.
Pilates is another focus of mine. After a difficult twin pregnancy, I have spent years rebuilding my core. I love that through the pilates I work on my breathing and that the workouts are total body workouts. I am learning to make connections and to listen to myself. Work as a voice over actor so much depends on connecting with people and connecting with scripts, so if I am connected with myself as a foundation of it all, I work better. At the start of every session, my instructor asks how I am feeling and for me to be aware of where my body is starting. I wish that I had people teach be to be aware of my physical state in this way when I was 12 years old. I think I would have treated myself very differently. In any event, I am thankful for this journey that I am on and pilates helps me very much.
“Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.” Ultimately all of this matters because working moms have goals. As a voice actor, I have spent years building my business. It isn’t about getting through September, it is about making life work so that I reach these goals for myself and for my family. If we can’t see the forest through the trees, we just won’t get where we have worked so hard to go. In the shadow of the passing of the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg, we have a great torch to carry. She did it with such ease, and we must carry on for our children so that we can finish the work she set out to do.
Some days I wake up with a burst of energy and ready to get to work. Other days I am less energetic, but regardless, the outcome is the same: I do my thang in the booth. I’ll explain. I am pretty regimented when it comes to sticking to my voice over routine, and that routine enables me to balance both my mom tasks and my business tasks in a way that I am comfortable with. Most days follow the same pattern, with slight variation by day of the week. But some days, I am less “into it” than others. I was thinking it through the other morning and I thought this was a matter of inspiration. I was walking my dogs one day this week with my friend Melanie and she was telling me she felt the same way, that feeling when you just can’t get started. Melanie is a successful New York attorney who works extremely long days. While her career path is decidedly different than mine is as a working creative, this got my wheels turning. Both of us are working moms. Both of us work long days every day. And both of us build our household responsibilities into our professional goals. What, then, is the secret sauce? It came to me that while I often think of things only in terms of the presence and lack of inspiration, it is actually the ability to sustain the magic of the intersection of motivation and inspiration that makes success happen.
I will still also take care of myself too. I want to teach my children that is well. I will blow out my hair, put on some make up, do my nails, and do pilates. If I fall apart, how can I take care of the needs of so many others? Worse, what kind of example am I setting as a mother. So here I am, hanging out at this intersection I realized I love being at but only just named. And now that I’ve found it, I’m not going anywhere!!
As a working mom I try hard to exhibit good coping for my twins Emma and Jack, so laying curled up in a ball on the sofa all day is not a good longterm strategy for a chronic problem. When I’m “lucky,” and believe me I am using that word loosely, my migraines will come on a weekend and I can sleep them off. Often they come as they like as they are triggered by all sorts of things: stress, lack of sleep, my cycle, the weather, so in short- life triggers them. When they come on a week day I try to take the medicine as early as I can. I tend to be a heavy sleeper and wake up confused, but if I can actually get the medication in me early, that helps. I try to always have both coffee and ginger ale in the house as they help. My strategy then changes. Daily routines will be completed, but anything extra gets pushed to another day. Nothing fun will happen on a migraine day. I try to give myself a break and only do what is essential. Booked work will be recorded. Auditions will likely be skipped. All emails will be replied to. I will likely defer any direct marketing. In terms of mom tasks, if I can ask Harlan to help with anything, I do!
Yes, I wish my migraines would stop and never come back. But, I do think they have changed me. I have so much more understanding of what people with much more serious chronic illnesses go through. I am much more patient. I am genuinely thankful for every non-migraine day. I am very sympathetic when others have to reschedule and are under the weather.
